Sometimes && Always...

Sometimes I just...

• Get so excited in the moment!
• Get TOO excited in the moment.
• Get fed up.
• Get pissed off.
• Get crabby && snappy.
• Think I'm right.
• Know I'm right.
• Know I'm wrong.
• Drink too much && end up in bathtubs.
• Drink too much && have the best times of my life.
• Laugh obnoxiously because it's that fuckin funny.
• Want to be skinny.
• Feel wonderful in my body.
• Want to have sex.
• Want to have a threesome. 2 girls & a guy. && I want to be the center of attention.
• Have weird fantasies... like a dirty old man taking advantage of me, and it's good, but I don't want it... it's a weird conflict of interest. (Yea, I know that's really weird.) But that's probably as weird as it gets LoL! It's got somethin' to do with feeling irresistably desirable but the consequences... I dunno, it makes sense enough. LoL!
• Wish I could go back in time.
• Wish I had the hair && knowledge of how to do my hair that I have now, in high school.
• Can't watch T.I. on t.v. because it hurts too much to know that I can't have him.
• Enjoy getting dressed nicely for no real reason but to look and feel fabulous for an ordinary day.
• Won't leave the house until I feel completely comfortable in what I'm wearing. (I just get this feeling && I know the outfit is right)
• Feel like dancing.
• Make up complete dances in my head... real choreography that should be brought to life.
• Love my life!
• Wish my life was different.
• Wish someone would discover me... && appreciate my talents, even my small ones.
• Wish I could disappear.
• Dream of my future. (It's unclear)

Sometimes I just don't...

• Feel like going out. Even if it's the weekend, sometimes I'm tired && if I really feel like I'm not going to be any fun, I'm not going to force myself to go out-- it's just not gonna be enjoyable for me && I'm not going to do anything for anyone else so I might as well rest. There will be another day, another party, another night to go out. Of course, this excludes like seriously planned events, and if I can muster up enough energy to want to go, then I'll go, but just going out to go out, sometimes sleep is better.
• Want to be around people. I enjoy my alone time && my own space. That means, I don't want to talk on the phone either-- although I do respond to text messages && if it's important/emergency then that's obviously an exception.
• Feel like I'm part of the group.
• Know whether I'm really the best friend, or just one in a list. && I feel left out from the other best friendship(s)... I don't know the inside skinny on relationships, or feelings, who's new or who's out, what happened when or why... && if I do, it's like passed down information... the intimacy is split && sometimes I don't care or I don't notice, but sometimes I do...
• Agree with my friends' reasoning, decisions, or opinions. && that's okay.
• Know what I'm saying when I'm drunk or smacked... LoL! The words just come out && I know what I mean, but it may be not exactly the best way to commuicate it. e.g. "I don't want to sit on your lap 'cause I have to change my tampon" = "I just don't ever feel comfortable sitting on people's laps when I'm on my period." LoL!
• Know why I dated certain guys.
• Know what I saw in certain guys && why I let them become so important to me, when I knew it wasn't reciprocated.
• Know what my friends see in certain people.
• Want to create a bigger issue by telling someone about themselves even though they may need someone to let them know they need to chill out... just depending on my relationship with that person, it may not be appropriate/ the way we work.
• Want to be told what to do.
• Want to have sex.
• Feel attractive.
• Have all the answers.

I'm/I'll ALWAYS...

• Down for my friends && family, even if I don't feel like being around them.
• Going to love my friends && family (again, even if I don't feel like being around them. LoL!)
• Down for a good time... and if that means a good sleep, so be it.
• Protective of my close friends.
• Love music.
• Dreaming big.
• Have a song for every occasion.
• Love dancing.
• Enjoy watching diving even I don't personally want to do it.
• Going to be a clean && neat person.
• Proud of my ability to write very neatly.
• Going to have big calves.
• Going to be short.
• Smiling unless I have a reason not to.
• Going to overpack.
• Going to smoke recreationally as long as it fits in my life.
• Feel like I dance my best in the club or the bar when I'm drunk.
• Unpredictable && spontaneous.
• Be who I am (even if I don't know exactly who that is)
• Be me.